When sacrifice becomes habit

It’s not really that much of a sacrifice – more of an annoyance. A little over a year ago the lock on my driver’s side door stopped working. It requires me to open my car from the passenger’s side and lean over my seat to unlock the driver’s side – then walk around and get in my car. No – I don’t have a keyless entry (but my next car will!). And really it is just an annoyance.

But me being me I wonder what people must think of me as I get into my car. Invariably, in many parking lots,  I’ll have to get into my car at the same time someone is getting into their car. They head in on their driver’s side and I’m heading in on my passenger’s side. Do I make them nervous – this guy getting in on the wrong side of the car?

I tend to have several things in my hands as I approach my car – backpack, lunch bag, coat, extra books etc. So I convince myself that it’s perfectly normal for me to go to the passenger’s side and put all this stuff I’m carrying in that way. Then I just casually lean over and unlock the driver’s side door. It’s all perfectly natural – right?

Sometimes I think that if anyone asks me why I always go to the passenger’s side first – I’ll just tell them I’m ex -CIA and this is just SOP for car bombs. That somehow by opening the wrong door first disarms them. I obviously need to let this go.

The point is that it’s now a habit. I’m reprogrammed to go to the passenger’s side first – no matter who owns the car. I no longer am embarrassed by trying to be the driver of a friend’s car. I just naturally go to the passenger side.

I’d love to get the door fixed – I’ve priced it a couple of times. Have come close to having the money to get the repairs done. But right now it’s just too big a hit to the budget. So I wait, I plot, I whine internally and I use the passenger’s side of my car as my entry point. Maybe someday someone will t-bone me in the driver’s side – just enough for me to need a new door. I can only wish.

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